Weezer Nirvana Green Day The Offspring

I’m a product of the ’90s. The New Kids were the shit for a while when I was a kid. I had one of their t-shirts. I didn’t like it, but I still had it. I watched the A-team and MacGyver (the first two seasons are staring at me right now from their DVD cases) and hauled ass back from school to watch Ducktales and Darkwing Duck. Saturday mornings I’d get up early to watch Zack Morris make out with Kelly Kapowski while unseen spectators hooted from the sidelines. I listened to Soundgarden when Chris Cornell still had a voice, Pearl Jam before they made the same song over and over again, and Nirvana before Kurt Cobain “killed himself.” Conspiracy theories aside, what in God’s name happened to music in the last 10 years? So in classic High Fidelity format, I present:

The Top Three Albums of my Life:

1. Weezer: The Blue Album
2. Green Day: Dookie

3. The Offspring:  Smash

What do those three bands have in common now? They all suck. A lot. I was listening to the radio yesterday, and the DJ announced she was going to play a new song by Weezer. I’m still not entirely convinced that Weezer has made the transition from best band ever to horrible teeny-bopper, shit-shoveling, moneymakers, so my ears perk up when I hear they’ve come out with something new. Considering that Weezer has consistently been making shittier and shittier albums since the Green Album, you’d think I’d have lost all faith entirely. But no, like Mulder, I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe that one day Weezer will announce that the terrible music they’ve been making is all just a big joke – one with a punchline along the lines of “you morons will buy ANYTHING”. But I’m starting to really doubt that now. Cue DJ pressing play. Cue me turning the volume up, with the hope lightening my eyes like one of those kids on the Christian Life commercials. At first I thought the radio station screwed up and played the wrong song. But that voice…

OH MY GOD, it’s THEM. What the FUCK is going on here? I’m your Daddy? Really, Rivers? Hey, remember The Sweater song? El Scorcho? PINK TRIANGLE!? What is this garbage I hear spewing forth from my speakers? Did Weezer turn into a bunch of 12-year-old girls (not that there’s anything wrong with 12-year-old girls…we just have different musical tastes) with Barbies rammed into their ears? Because that’s what this sounds like. I had to convince myself it was better to turn the radio off than to swerve into oncoming traffic. God damn, Weezer, have some respect for yourselves. Your name was Jonas.

On to Green Day. Christie Road was stuck in my head for a good two years. The next three years it turned into Longview. Those were a good five years. For three power chords and some glue sniffing punk rockers, those guys made great music. Then they stopped sniffing Whiteout at parties and started wearing man-scara. Effectively ending another great band –but skyrocketing them into the stratosphere of mainstream music. Make a couple of songs about war, look up towards the sky in your videos, man-scara running off your eyelids like the talent pouring into the gutter. What happened to She? Where did the guy go that wrote Basket Case? How did that turn into the weird synth crap that is American Idiot? If I could give one piece of advice to Billie Joe, it would be to stick the aerosol can back up your nose and sit down with a guitar again.Look at Rancid! They kill it, they’re huge, and they still play the music that got them to where they are. Go back, Billie. Please.

Then there’s the Offspring. Ah, the Offspring. The worst offenders of my list. Yeah, they were good once. They were really good. And then Pretty Fly for a White Guy ruined everything. You wrote Come out and Play! Smash was the best selling independent record of all time! Why would you do this?! It physically hurts me. I take it as a personal insult. The Offspring is so terrible now that I don’t even want to think about it. I have nothing important to say, except this: Youstupidgoddamndumbshitmotherfucker. That blew my face off in grade 6. I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

So all this begs the question: is it my taste in music that’s changing, or the music itself? Because one thing I notice is that the demographic that these bands are playing to is the same one I was in when I really got into these guys. I can’t believe my taste in music has changed that much. I know it hasn’t. I still whistle that epic three-minute instrumental at the end of Only in Dreams. I still wonder why Billie Joe sang “I went to a whore HE said my life’s a bore.” And I still gets insanely excited when I hear Self Esteem. I honestly believe that the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, and I will always want a girl who laughs for no one else.

It’s them, not me. They shaped my musical tastes, and now they’ve taken me to the dump, throwing me unceremoniously into the kitchen waste section among the eggshells and banana peels. They’ve done that without even leaving some kind of legacy for me to listen to. I’m stuck in the mid ’90s, hoping against all odds they’ll go back to the really, REALLY awesome bands they once were.

Are they just pandering to the masses? When they get picked up, do their labels tell them what age group they’re shooting for, no matter how long the band is in existence for?

This sucks. What I’m about to say is something I never thought I’d hear come out of my mouth.

Kids these days don’t understand what good music is.

  • Pingback: The Day the Music Died (For Me) | TheInertia.com | Green Day Latest

  • ha

    nostalgia is a dangerous drug

  • GDJonny

    So you complain Pearl Jam started making the same song over and over….but your WANT Offspring/Green Day/Weezer to go back to playing the same songs over and over?

  • Fruz88

    Clearly, Green Day grew up. You didn’t. And weird synth crap? Are you talking about The Network? Because new GREEN DAY albums aren’t weird synth crap.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=13731850 Brittany Lock

    Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, but dude… “How did that turn into the weird synth crap that is American Idiot?”

    Where in the hell are you hearing synthesizers on American Idiot? Do you even know what a synthesizer is?

    • http://twitter.com/GreenElli E!!i Henrich

      I think he never really listened to american idiot lol xD

  • 90sNick

    the problem with your claim here, wanting those bands to go back to the way they were, doen’t make sense. I can see you liking the music better but after a while (ie maturing with age) you can’t write songs about masturbation when you’re 30 years old… cuz i’m pretty sure that’s illegal! You have to mature at some point in your life and since these bands matured they have written music that they believe is good music. Green Day went into politics, Weezer went pop, and Offspring should probably call themselves The Babymakers now. People mature, bands are made of people (real people), therefore the bands must mature too. Most of these “punks” back in the day have wives and kids and families now. I just don’t see how you say this is going back on their style when their style was teenage life. Well NEWSFLASH they aren’t teenagers anymore.
    Everyone is entitled to an opinion but at least think about it first

  • Lauren

    Don’t be a hypocrite. Dookie sold 10 million copies. Don’t complain about American Idiot being “mainstream music”. You just don’t like it because you’ve known them before. but for people born in the 90′s, American Idiot is what got them into Green Day, and from there they listened to the other albums. They can’t help it that they weren’t born early enough to hear Dookie when it first came out. but Dookie was REALLY mainstream, even my SISTER listened to Green Day in high school, and she doesn’t like them at all now, because they were a fad then and the “cool thing” to listen to.

  • Dan

    Weezer is and will always be the best. Every album.

    • J Bully

      nahhh

  • http://twitter.com/GreenElli E!!i Henrich

    I think you’re just an embittered old ass who can’t accept that time changes and music styles change and don’t stay constant all the time. Fine, if you wanna live in your 90s, I have to say I love to listen to 70s stuff too but I live in the future and don’t bitch about those bands only cause they changed a bit. I think they’re still doing great music, even better music most of all Green Day, my favorite album is american idiot, I love dookie too for sure but I think they became adults now and it would be creepy if they would still sing about the same stuff about doing drugs and masturbation, isn’t that creepy for a 38-year-old? Be serious. And I love their new issues, how America’s economy crashed and that it has to be alleviated again, those are more important issues. So let this go round your head and think about this and then tell me what you can actually say now after this!

  • http://twitter.com/GreenElli E!!i Henrich

    this is so damn true! didn’t recognize this thx xD

  • Spacenut

    Oh great, not another guy bitching about how great the music he listened to as a teen sucks now. Hey, there is thing called growing up, perhaps you should try that.

    Offspring still rocks in my opinion because they make the music they want to make, not conform to the demands they bitching fanbase who will never get over SMASH.

  • Lprice Gd

    how can you claim a band being Mainstream?1 reason would be.. ‘that their music sells more’. no. Green Days top selling album was Dookie.another one would be ‘they play stuff to please fans’ no. Green Day still play songs about partying, having a good time, drinking, girls, & love. & also, your statement about them doing songs about war? no, it wasn’t about war, it was about Billie loosing his dad when he was 10. so stop being inconsiderate, & research about things, learn about things, and get your facts right. any band that makes music, & then puts it on a cd is selling it right? so in other words, no one can ‘sell out’ because every band is selling their music to make money.another shit reason would be ‘oh they dont sound the same..’ oh, well sorry for having better technology then 20 years ago. y’know if you strum a string on a 30 year old guitar, on a 30 year old amp, if they even had amps, it would sound shit. end of. they use new technology, with new ideas, get over your self.im pretty sure that you dont buy old stuff? like, an old pair of jeans say. you buy new, fashonable ones right? well thats what band are doing ‘these days’ using new stuff, and keeping up to date.by the way, im only backing up green day here, cos i dont really care about the other bands you mentioned. put it this way, if you were offered $1, or $100 which would you take? i think it would be $100, the more money you get for yourself the better, shut the fuck up.if your moaning about time differences? that todays music is worse than the 90′s? then OH OH OH, THE 90′S MUSIC MUST HAVE BEEN SHIT COMPARED TO THE 70′S. thick fuck.well, saying all this, and im just apparently a 12 year old girl. actually no, im a male, & im alot older.

  • http://www.facebook.com/KrysCannon Krystal Joycannon

    Hahahah the phrase “weird synth” has nothing to do with that album, at all. “Peal Jam before they made the same song over and over again” was a time that never existed. The idea that Weezer would have a punchline to explain their new awful music is a really stupid assumption and I feel like he knows nothing about Weezer. (“Your name was Jonas” HAHAHA.)

    His Green Day argument shows no knowledge of the band whatsoever, they were never focused on being “glue sniffing punk rockers.” If the guy only cited Dookie as his example of that, I’d understand but say that he just doesn’t understand the depth of that album. But he cites Kerplunk!, which means he MUST know that they have always had depth, and that if he thinks American Idiot is “weird synth crap” then Kerplunk! must be like, stupid psychedelic music, or whatever. I mean, Kerplunk! is pretty creative musically, too. But synth…like…what…XD And he completely ignores the time between Dookie and American Idiot. Clearly he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

    Like, this guy makes it seem like 90s music was good, and that therefore makes his entire argument invalid (for me).

    …and he probably really loved Blink-182.

  • FeltTip

    Alright, alright, alright, I get it that the biggest fans of these bands are upset by criticism. No one likes it when their favorite band is ridiculed, but for all the shortcomings in Haro’s argument (no, there aren’t too many synthesizers in American Idiot…), he still makes a valid point that many music fans can entertain if you’re able to refrain from being personally insulted by his criticisms.A fan doesn’t have to agree with the direction bands choose to evolve in. And they’re perfectly justified in stating their case against it.And at times it really does feel like the bands in the alt rock music scene that made the pop charts in the 90s were of a quality we haven’t seen since: Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Green Day, Offspring, Weezer, Soundgarden, The Presidents, Blink…as breakthroughs into the Top 40?! That sounds refreshing right about now, doesn’t it? I’d love to see a movement of authentic new bands sweep America. It just doesn’t seem like it’s gonna happen.

  • Guest

    You’re entitled to your opinion, but seriously: your opinion SUCKS. Green Day are AMAZING. They haven’t sold out or anything, they GREW UP. They have changed their music, finding new issues to address that are bigger than themselves, and they have really strong lyrics. But have their opinions changed? They play most of their old songs at concerts with the new ones. They stick to what they believe in, and guess what?? Billie Joe reads NOTHING by critics because he never tries to change what he is for other people. He does what he wants, Just like Mike and Tre. And they have billions of hardcore fans. So, you know what? Yeah, you can say what you want. But here’s the truth: GREEN DAY ARE BETTER THAN YOU!

    • KM

      Listen, Ive always been a Green Day fan and continue to think they put on great live sets… However, you stated they never sold out which is totally inaccurate. Green Day sold out in the 90′s… and definitely stamped “selling out” with their release of American Idiot. That’s not to say its a bad record.
      The Offspring and Smash… dammit that was such an electrifying energetic raw album. Still like them to this day but they’ll never be able to top that album. Such a masterpiece!

  • guest7

    I always thought “He said my life’s a bore” was referring to the whore’s pimp.

  • Al Baydough

    After reading this tripe I can’t believe you had the gaul to write anything at all on the subject of “core.”

    You’re a comedy act. NOW I get it!

    Good one!

  • Al Baydough

    You seem like a nice enough cat but seriously, if those are the best records of your life you’re missing out on some truly great art.
    Scratch the surface, please.

  • Ande047

    This has got to be one of my favorite articles ever written!!! Thank you so much for writing this because I was beginning to think I was the only one who had this opinion. These bands were so inspirational to me. Especially Green Day. Dookie in a way shaped my childhood! That CD was the absolute shit!!! I remember on my 15th Birthday I went down to the record store to buy Dookie and I instantly fell in love with every song on that CD. Dookie inspired me to go buy a guitar -save the criticism about the three power chord progression songs. I’ve heard it a million times before-, take lessons, and form a Green Day-ish type band. Oh I miss the good ol’ days…

    I liked Insomniac when it came out (not as much as Dookie) but it was still a great record.
    Then Nimrod came out. Honestly I wasn’t too crazy about it but hey I was a teenager so I didn’t quite see the meaning behind all of the songs. Now that I’m older it has definitely grown on me and it’s my second favorite Green Day album.
    The next couple records were pretty good. They still had that great Green Day quality to them. Even though one of them was pretty much a greatest hits CD with two new songs, I still loved it.

    Then came American Idiot… My friend special ordered this CD for me so I got my copy before it was even released in stores and I was able to enjoy it before the radio got a hold of it. I really didn’t mind it at first. It had some good songs on it and there were still shades of the old Green Day, but I could definitely tell they were changing. They were growing up. Which meant unfortunately so was I.
    I really liked J.O.S., Holiday, B.O.B.D., Letterbomb which thankfully never made the radio (at least in my town), Wake Me Up When September Ends, and Whatsername. Then the popular songs from that CD started plyaing on the radio. Ugh! The radio has tendancy to kill good songs. Obviously! I was kinda pissed off when I was waiting in my Dentist office one day and heard Wake Me Up playing on their radio. Ten years before this CD came out could you even imagine hearing Basket Case or Longview in your fucking dentist’s office!? Right after my appointment I walked into King Soopers and I kid you not, I heard Blvd of Broken Dreams playing on their overhead system.
    The more I heard these new Green Day songs on the radio, the more I started to dislike them. Maybe it was just the fact that every time I heard them it was a reminder of how much I miss the Green Day from the 90s.

    I was kinda stupid and decided to go to their concert at the Pepsi Center right after A.I. came out. Never again will I go see a band in an arena! It was an alright show, but it was kind of a punch in the gut because this was the first time I saw Billie, Mike, and Tre since the late 90s. Make-up, skinny jeans, emo hair (I have nothing against any of these things, it was just disappointing to see the band I idolized growing up wearing these things).
    I remember watching this interview right after insomniac was released where Billie Joe said something along the lines of: “what’s up with all the kids these days walking around wearing skin-tight Hurley shirts. It’s time to grow up and be a fucking man”. If he only knew back then what he would look like in a few years! Yes I know it’s about the money and it’s probably what they were told to gain popularity amongst a new generation of fans but like I said before, it was like a punch to the gut to an old Green Day fan!

    This new CD (21st Century Breakdown), I just don’t even care enough to comment on. I thought it might be a CD that takes a couple times around to get used to but it wasn’t. Maybe a few songs were alright. But it lacked that nice bright guitar tone like When I Come Around. The sound of his guitar in that song is like candy to my ears!

    I know a lot of people prefer the new Green Day -generally the younger crowd- so I’m not going to discourage them since we all have different tastes in music. I just wish Green Day hadn’t lost sight of what origianally made them an outstanding band! I know a lot of my statements may be very hypocritical, I just really miss the old Green Day and am hanging on to the string of hope that someday they will go back to their old ways. After all their sound influenced my current band as well as many others I’m sure of.
    In terms of Weezer…
    It’s like Rivers made a point to write the shittiest most meaningless songs ever about baked beans or something like that. My initial thought was a mule kicked him in the head and he decided to write a bunch of songs. Or like this article he tried to fill the CD with stupid shit just to see if people would buy it. To me that is just an “artist” disrespecting the art. A pure gold-digger! Why build up a successful, respectable band just to take a shit on everything you’ve done.
    I just hope music gets better one of these days… SOON!!!
    thanks for listening to my rant