Surfing sucks. Don’t try it. Today, as you probably know, is International Surfing Day. It’s a day to celebrate surfing by surfing. Hang on, that’s wrong. It’s a day to celebrate the impacts that the Surfrider Foundation has made over the last 364 days… by surfing. Which is a good thing, and surely something to be celebrated. “Go Surf,” we’re told. “No Matter What.” I will not! Here are five reasons why you shouldn’t, either.
1. Crowds suck.
Like, bad. Swarming masses of people all paddling around you, rubbing shoulders and pissing all over themselves. Passive-aggressive back paddling, then smiling at you on their way back out. “That was a fun one!” they smile, knowing full well they’re an asshole. On one day out of the year, do your part and don’t contribute to the crowds.
2. Celebrate clean beaches by, you know, cleaning a beach.
I pick up garbage whenever I see it at the beach. I think that most people do. But it always seems like there’s some prick who can’t be bothered to pick up his beer bottles. I like drinking as much as the next guy (probably more than him), but it’s pretty rare that I get so drunk at the beach that I can’t find the bottles strewn around me. Go to the beach today and don’t surf. Go there and pick up trash. Then keep doing that on every other day!
3. Surfing is really bad for the environment.
Everyone’s surfing today. Everyone’s packing up their resin-wrapped polystyrene foam slabs into their exhaust-puking vehicles and driving to the beach. If they’re lucky, it’ll be board-snappingly good, and they’ll throw their resin-wrapped polystyrene foam slab into a garbage can, then brag about it later on. How about just giving the environment a break for the day? Everyone stay home. Get drunk on a porch. Do a little gardening. Don’t drive anywhere. Don’t break any boards.
So there you have it. Take a day off surfing to celebrate surfing and the beach in general. The Surfrider Foundation works really hard to protect our coasts. So celebrate the positive impact they’re making by making more positive impacts.