This looks useful. Photo: RinseKit
There’s nothing like a post-surf shower to cleanse ourselves of the salt, dog shit, drug-resistant bacteria, and corpse juice found in our lineups. Yet rinsing off at the beach isn’t always an option. Especially in remote areas, or drought-ridden California, where many beach showers have been shut off. Thus is the increasing importance of toting your own means of ablution. Bringing something, as Snoop Dogg would say, for drizzle. Like never before, technology is transforming this age-old ritual into a spa-like experience, complete with pressurization, hot water, and spray options (though plastic jugs do still work). Bathe in the wonder of it all. Your choices, in order from a sprinkle to deluge:
1. The Dumpster Diver
A fitting choice for the post-surf rinse, no?
A mainstay for generations, empty plastic bottles, while short on impressive features, have the benefit of being free. To keep water hot or cool, wrap the bottle in a wetsuit.
2. The Distended Bladder
Nothing like simulating being pissed on while showering.
Though just a glorified bag o’ water, this design is an improvement over a used detergent bottle. Look for a bladder that holds 5 gallons, like this one, which beats the 2-gallon capacity of fancier models lower on this list. A built-in handle should allow the bag to hang from a car door, tree branch, or longboard fin. A nozzle does offer some flow control, but this ain’t exactly the Radisson.
If you want to get super weird, seek out one of these tent-like enclosures for showering, changing, and crapping in private.
3. The Crop Duster
Who needs battery power when you’ve got old-fashioned elbow grease and a measure of shamelessness. That’s pretty much all that’s needed to turn this garden sprayer into a surf shower. For around $20, you can treat yourself like a crop-destroying fungus and enjoy a light misting from this hand-pressurized, two-gallon unit from Home Depot. The stock long-handled sprayer would work well for hosing off feet and wetsuits once removed. Retrofit this with a sink sprayer, and you’ll be able to conveniently douse your sun-bleached locks, too.
The fellow who made this video, demonstrates an easy DIY approach to outfitting a standard garden sprayer into a surf shower.
Alright, you’d rather get some ready-made fancy-pants thing? Hot Jugz (was that the name of Al Bundy’s favorite nudie mag?) sells two-gallon hand-pump showers equipped with neoprene sleeves for $50 to $60. Sixteen minutes of spray-time, baby.
4. The Sprinkler
You may not throw spray while surfing. But afterward? Easy. Photo: Ivation
For $40, this battery-powered handle turns a bucket of water (not included, cheapskate!) into a parking lot shower. Comes with a USB-charging port, a built-in water filter, and a suction cup to hold the spout on your van window. Warning: This level of comfort might make you forget you’re in public, not your home shower. No peeing — or whatever it is you do there.
5. The Drizzler
The Helio Pressure Shower pressurizes via foot pump. Photo: Nemo
The Nemo Helio Pressure Shower ups the game a bit with its 3-gallon capacity, foot pump, 7-foot-long hose and six minutes of pressurized flow for $100. You can fill it with hot water, but it’s not insulated, so act fast if you do. Better for camping trips than daily outings to your local.
6. The Downpour
The Rinse Kit automatically pressurizes the water and keeps it heated for several hours. Photo: Rinse Kit
At last, we’ve reached the new frontier of surf showers: automatically pressurized, heated bliss in a bottle. You’d think you were showing at an Equinox with one of these babies.
For $90, you can be the owner of a Rinse Kit, a 2-gallon rig that fills in 20 seconds from a hose or sink and offers the same pressurization as a home showerhead for four minutes. The only drawback is the lack of a heater. So, if you want a warm shower, you’ll have to fill up with hot water, which will stay heated for several hours, far longer than any of the above-listed units in this article.
And for something even more indulgent, my gearheads, brace yourselves for the Big Kahuna. With their larger capacity, this line of portable showers surpasses the needs of surfers looking for a quick, carpark-rinse off. But for extended camping trips or boat missions, who wouldn’t want the 4.7-gallon Big Kahuna (they also make 6-, 8- and 13-gallon models). And the kicker: Their website promises integrated heating units coming soon, rechargeable in car cigarette lighters.
