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The Inertia

Health freak and surfing’s Benjamin Button Kelly Slater has made it his mission in life to stop you from shoveling crap down your throat. In between his roles as perpetual world title threat and John John Florence’s father, the 11-time world champion throws on a shop apron and serves the people what they need: righteous seeds that give you the instant ability to throw 540s, or 720s, or whatever you want to call it. The latter half of that statement might not be entirely true, but he has really taken to those Chia thingamabobs — officially called Chia Pods — and, to be frank, he is one of the few athletes I would blindly follow off a ledge if he told me it’d make me stronger. Don’t even try to act like you wouldn’t.

In all seriousness, these Pods are the bee’s knees of energy boosters and the type of pre-surf snack that won’t have you wondering how clean or dirty that beach bathroom is.

Also, all this Chia talk got me thinking. You know what really needs to happen? They need to make a Kelly Slater Chia pet. That right there is a BILLION DOLLAR IDEA. You heard me — not million, but BILLION, all caps. Whoever patents it is guaranteed to break the bank. Remember that you heard it on The Inertia first. I’ll be wanting royalties.

Chia-2

 
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