Senior Editor
Yeah, there's a heart in that wave. Just like the heart in your significant other… sigh. Photo: Kenji Croman

Yeah, there’s a heart in that wave. Just like the heart in your significant other… sigh. Photo: Kenji Croman

The Inertia

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day. That glorious time of year where couples love each other while singles hate them with a fiery passion. If the singles met the couples on a beach in Normandy, this would be V-Day. But Normandy is in France, and French is the language of love, so it’d be ok. Romance!

1: It can be beautiful or hideous
So you went home with the beauty and woke up with the beast. It happens to everyone. Here’s the cool part: When you actually love the beauty, the beast is just as beautiful. Whether the ocean is blue and tranquil or being whipped into a violent frenzy, you still love it. And whether your girl is calm and glowing or red in the face and screaming, you still love her.

2: It can be warm and inviting or cold and cruel.
Sometimes, you walk into a room and you just know that you’re in trouble. The air feels different. The ice-cold glare shooting at you from across the room probably has something to do with it. Whatever you did, it probably wasn’t worth it. And sometimes you walk down to the beach, where the sky is slate grey and the ocean is clearly angry with you. Whatever you did… it’ll probably still be worth it.
But other times you walk into that same room, and it’s as though you’ve been enveloped in a warm, loving blanket made of kittens and hot water bottles. Don’t ask why. Just take it without asking questions. And when the water is that perfect, crystal clear, and the waves are perfect and empty… don’t ask any questions.

3: It can make you feel incredibly good or incredibly bad.
Remember that time you surfaced from the water, gasping for air and floundering around? Your nose was bleeding and you thought your shoulder might be dislocated. One of your teeth was missing, the leash was wrapped tightly around your neck, and you were on the verge of blacking out. Shouldn’t have kissed her sister, I guess. You knew what kind of temper she had.
But then there was that time when everything was so smooth. It all just lined up perfectly. She gave herself to you after a perfect day. Sure, there was some sand chafing your nipples, but that was a small price to pay for that one, magic ride. The one that got you that barrel you’ll never forget. What’d you think I was talking about?


4: You are not in charge
As much as you might think you are, with your biceps and deep voice, you’re not. She is. And every now and then, she’ll let you know, either by near-drowning or death-glaring. Both women and the ocean are forces much too powerful for mere mortal men to deal with. But guess what? Everything works best when you’re working together, whether you’re in the water or in a relationship.


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