Dearest Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Libertarians, et al:
You know the situation is dire when I start writing letters to you politicos in Washington, but write this letter I must. I will get straight to the point. What, in God’s name, is going on with you people? (Yeah, I said the dreaded “you people” and I’m not taking it back until I get some answers.) Don’t you realize that millions of people are out of work, that those folks are now burdened with a great deal of idle time?
No, I’m not telling you something you already know. Dammit, I’m a surfer. And I’m mad as hell!
Have you seen the lineups lately? Well, have you?
Winter sessions now look just like summer sessions—except, of course, for the fullsuits, hoods and shivering. There were as many people in the lineups in December, and now April, as there were in July. A national unemployment rate of 9% is bad enough. California’s unemployment rate is at 12%! Some of us are, in fact, surf bums. We’re fine not working—or working odd jobs that allow us more time to surf. Recession, boon . . . none of that matters to us. We are happy to work as little as possible so that we can surf as much as possible. We do not, however, feel like it is necessary to bring others into the fold, particularly when those others are party crashers rather than invited guests.
It is time for all of you to right all that is wrong with the economy. Housing starts? Get them started. One doesn’t realize how many construction workers surf until you see all of the pick-up trucks in the parking spots that once went to those of us who were considered slackers by all of you in the full-time working world. And, really, those people who spend their days sitting behind desks aren’t cut out to spend too much time in the sun. Think of them as part-time vampires who can only take so many UV rays before it gets real ugly real fast!
You politicians are tasked with running this country. Instead of allowing it to run itself into the ground—what with the almost certain extinction of the middle class and the ever burgeoning ranks of the poor—get to work getting everyone else back to work. Running the country properly can’t be that difficult. It’s your job. Be glad you even have jobs since there are so many who don’t. Many of them are in the water with the rest of us. I feel for them. They don’t belong there every day. Surfing full-time should be a lifestyle choice, not a necessity. Besides, it would be nice to get a wave to myself again. I’m just sayin’.