Every now and then, a really, really good idea falls through the cracks. For one reason or another, the general public misses it. Such is the case with the bonzer.
Channel Islands is the Walmart of surfing – not the place, but the brand. They’re comfortable and convenient. That is to say, we have no shame in attending their board demos, we wholeheartedly flock to their product releases and we look to them like sheep to a shepherd. They guide us with the familiar, firm, Christian hand of good ol’ Al down the way of thinking that they know the best, they are the best, they sponsor the best, and riding their boards will make us the best.
But I cry blasphemy. And I dare thee to do the same. I cry sacrilege as I look upon the ethereal glow of my computer with disbelief in a drunken haze at two in the morning and see that, in one swift notching of their corporate belt of soulless achievements, they’ve managed to privatize a surfboard design that had stayed relatively pure and untouched on the shore of the raging shitstream of the modern surf corporation.
Fear not, world. The Bonzer shall be televised! It will be reposted! It will flash by our faces on social media every second of every day, to the point we’re jizzing in our wetsuits every time we see the “B” word. It will be shoved down our throats as forcefully as mothers medicate their babes. A once truly unique and independent design that sat like an antique hidden away in the woods, with only the local kids who truly appreciated it to keep this relevant, has become the plaything of anyone with an Instagram account. Bonzer, the Urban Outfitters T-Shirt! Bonzer, the new Netflix released movie! Bonzer, the Gastro-pub! I hate that word. Just call it a restaurant, you pretentious fucks.
People with pockets deep enough to afford the outlandish price of a pop out Channel Islands board will be lining up (digitally) to get their grubby little consumer paws on the latest thing in surfing. A design older than the majority of surfers in the water today will suddenly see an all-time spike in popularity, solely because its vehicle to the masses has a dedicated consumer demographic.
Surfing doesn’t belong to the rebels and free thinkers anymore, it belongs to CEOs and professional riders. Even the concept of the freesurfer is designed to sell an image, when surfing is supposed to be sold for anything to begin with. It has fallen into the same dichotomy of E.D.M. and classic rock. Its business mantra of “Progress for the sake of Progress” has left us without any future other than a surf syndicate of multi-billion dollar industrials who push advancement without taking the time to ask the crucial question, “why?”
They’ve left behind feeling and stoke for dividends and revenue.
But it wasn’t always that way.
Surfing as a whole has lost its edge. Any naysayer who claims otherwise looks like a homeless man shouting at traffic; you’re seen, but the rest of us don’t care. We sit content as pigs in shit, blissfully unaware of the oxymoronic farce our culture has become. we used to stand for freedom and liberation from a society whose values we voraciously opposed, but now we sell it at a premium to the upper middle class. We were eloquent, well read. We were original and didn’t feel the need to latch on to trends because everyone else was supporting them. We didn’t scare so easily, and we weren’t afraid to be ourselves. The world wasn’t divided into Hillary Clintons and Donald Trumps. It used to be the Haves and the Have-nots.
Those willing to take a stand were respected for their opinionated sense of self, a person was as good as his word, and people shaped their own fucking surfboards. It’s not that hard. It may take a few tries. But it’s not meant to be easy. People used to stick to their opinions and not get scared off by political correctness.
I challenge those reading to sell their quiver and buy one board. Buy one amazing board. Design it. Shape it. Ride it, rain or shine, big or small. Learn how it behaves. Love it. Ding it. Fix It. Ding it again. All while being laughed at or lauded for a particularly badass cutback. Stick to your guns. Don’t buy into it because they want you to, do it because you know you want to. Otherwise, you’re just pushing us backward.
