At this point, it should be accepted that John John Florence is not of this earth. There are forces working here that are we, as regular humans, can’t understand. John John, with his alien understanding of hydro-levitation (we just made that up right now!) is clearly not from Hawaii. Need proof? Look no further than his third round heat against Ethan Ewing, when he did two airs that defied explanation–unless the explanation was CGI or aliens. If you’re not into reading, the airs are at 1:35 and 8:30 in the video above, you hopeless illiterate.
The first occurred at 1:35 in the heat. Not so coincidentally, Luke 1:35 says, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.” See? That’s definitive proof that he’s an alien straight from a fictional book–John John was the most high, and he is overshadowing everyone. The judges, after realizing that they were in the company of a divine power, an alien, or both, dropped a 9.73 (one judge awarded a 10, but the others didn’t want to seem too eager). “That was one of the best airs that we’ve ever seen in competition,” said Pottz, before choking on his heaping spoonful of hyperbole.
The second air went down (up) at 8:30, when, according to Peter Mel, John John” literally steered his board through that whole maneuver with his feet.” John John, in all his alien greatness somehow managed to make his board go flat while his front foot was not actually touching anything. Just more proof that John John isn’t human–humans, after all, aren’t capable of telekinesis, especially through their feet.
