First up, we have no way to prove if this altercation genuinely took place. Whether true or acting, though, this supposed voicemail message from a South African surfer to a paddleboarder after a collision in the water is absolutely hilarious.
From what can be garnered from the message, apparently the surfer damaged the paddler’s board when they slammed together in the water – a fact the surfer was initially contrite about. In the moment, the surfer offered to make amends by paying to fix the dinged board, but decided to call later to explain he’d had a change of heart. “Ah bru, I’ve been doing some thinking, eh,” says the surfer. “I wasn’t really in the right mind yesterday… but now I’m perfectly fucking sober and I don’t need to fix your board at all, bru.”
The surfer goes on for three minutes absolutely berating paddleboarders and essentially anyone who doesn’t ride a surfboard in an incoherent diatribe. One minute he says, “You seem like a nice guy.” The next, he says “Paddleboarders must go die in a hole, bru.”
Real or fake, the audio is gold. Have a listen.
