You probably can’t do this. And that’s ok.
There’s a frightening abundance of surfing pornography circulating the internet these days. I’m not talking about Mick Fanning coming over to fix Slater’s cable, though. Just the ever-growing collection of web clips, photos, and full length surf films.
Granted, comparing surfing videos to adult entertainment material isn’t a groundbreaking idea, but the irony exists that the accuracy of these comparisons extends well beyond the intended simple tongue-in-cheek jest, at least in regards to the psychological effects. Older surfers may be resistant to something as seemingly trivial as watching John John launch thirty feet in the air fifteen times in a two minute clip, but these same segments may command a substantial influence on surfing’s youth. One that’s not challenging to quantify. Just paddle out.
One measurable effect is just that – a measurement. The thickness and length of surfboards, or lack thereof. There’s a sign on the local shaper’s window here in town titled “Stupid Shit People Say to Shapers.” One of the bulleted items beneath this headline reads, “Shape me whatever Dane Reynolds is riding.” This may be less of a joke and more of a depressing assessment of how the youth majority derives what equipment to use in the ocean. And the trend is certainly the smaller the better. Lighter and smaller boards equate to bigger airs and turns, right? Perhaps under the feet of a pro, they do. But for the rest of us, it usually results in less waves and less fun. Proper board selection should be almost exclusively about the waves you’re riding, but the high performance short board mob floating in the lineup contradicts this.
A comical side effect of this shortboard prescription can be witnessed in any lineup. Ill-advised airs have become the favorite maneuver of these afflicted surfers. Just look at all the boards rocketing out over the lip and kids spiraling into the flats without them. And please, don’t get me wrong here, I’m all for progression, experimentation, and hell, just having fun. But there’s a happy medium isn’t there? Do we really need to be throwing an air 360 on the first maneuver of every wave and looking surprised when we don’t land them? But that’s what good surfers do, right? Airs, and only airs. They air out of their cars and into the lineup. Here’s a secret: It’s okay to surf within the confines of the wave sometimes. Try out some classic power. Diversify. Surf the way that’s fun for you.
But by far the most dangerous influence these web clips and films have on us is the ability to infect us with local wave dysmorphia. How can you not blame your local waves for being a shit buffet when you’ve been watching surfers tear apart Jesus’s perfect point break somewhere in South Africa? These videos have something that reality doesn’t have yet: the ability to edit. Editing removes the things we hate about our local spot. Flat days. Blown out days. Close-out invasions. But those iconic surf spots we drool over have these flaws as well. Maybe not as consistently as an east coast beach break, but they are far from perfect on a year-round basis. Appreciate the frustrating sessions of paddling through chop and drift for one good wave. It’s not Pipe, but damn, there’s an ocean close enough to us to play in. You could live in Kansas.
True, evil surfing videos aren’t going to bring the entire surf population to their knees. And what could be more harmless than watching people get spat out of tropical barrels when waves have eluded your spot? But we shouldn’t be duped into surfing with false expectations. The fact that you haven’t landed an air yet doesn’t make you Lord of all Kooks. Progress at your own rate and on the boards that you have the most fun on. So indulge in some of those x-rated surf videos, but do so while remembering your spot’s waves are far better than no waves at all. They probably edit out the crowds in those videos anyways.
