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The Inertia

As we’ve said before, you cannot make this s*** up. Especially when it’s the weird act of actually taking a s*** on the neighbor’s lawn while out jogging. As we reported in September, the woman dubbed “the mad pooper” is still on the loose. Maybe she’s made a New Year’s resolution to reform her serial defecating, the story of which went viral this fall when security cameras caught her in the act, because we haven’t heard much from her lately. And she’s apparently still on the loose as all leads have hit dead ends.

There have been several strange twists (we mean, in the case), including Charmin offering a reward if she turned herself in (a year’s supply of the soft stuff), as well as a man impersonating her “spokesperson” in a random video.

Apparently, a man uploaded a vid to Youtube claiming to be a “family representative,” and called the suspect “Shirley.” Speaking for her, he said she was sorry but she was struggling with sexual reassignment surgery and that results of a traumatic brain injury had caused her to lose control of her bowels while defending her rights to defecate wherever she pleased under the Constitution.  He later uploaded a second vid admitting he created the edits to “deceive people.” The videos have been deleted from Youtube.

For now, this s***’s gone cold. “The Mad Pooper” remains at large and hasn’t dropped trou since the news reports went viral. Please don’t let us know if you smell or see anything suspicious. And we’re pretty sure the Colorado Springs police have better things to do than locate a runner with a really weird fetish.

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