Associate Editor
Staff
Every spot in the world is different, but it's likely got some of the same types of people. Photo: Instigators

Every spot in the world is different, but it’s likely got some of the same types of people. Photo: Instigators


The Inertia

Surfing is rife with characters. Travel to different lineups around the world, though, and you’ll notice each lineup has people that fit certain molds. They may have different haircuts, maybe a different color board or wetsuit, or even a different language, but the attitude is the same as what you might find at home. The following is a list of 10 folks that you’ll likely find at any and every lineup imaginable, and a handful of quotes you’ve definitely heard before.

"Get some. We'll be here once the wind backs off and the tide fills in!"

“Get some. We’ll be here once the wind backs off and the tide fills in!”

1. The Soothsayer- predicts conditions, never right.

“It’ll glass off.” (It doesn’t).

“Dude, wait ’til tomorrow. It’s gonna be pumping!” (It isn’t).

Advertisement

"Needs more tide. And better wind. And 6 more feet of swell. Maybe a manmade reef and a private access gate that only I can get in to."

“Needs more tide. And better wind. And 6 more feet of swell. Maybe a manmade reef and a private access gate that only I can get in to.” Photo: Shutterstock

2. The ‘If Only’ Guy- always says it’d be better, “if only…”

“It’d be sooooo much better if the tide were a little higher.”

“Just one degree more westward and this swell would be incredible!”

“If only the wind were offshore and the waves were 2ft bigger, it’d be sick!”

"I'm just happy for the gift of life, to be out here in the ocean and enjoy the pure energy of the waves."

“I’m just happy for the gift of life, to be out here in the ocean and enjoy the pure energy of the waves.”

3. The Always Happy Guy– zen master, just happy to be alive and in the water.

Advertisement

“Getting burned happens, man, but if you let it get to you, you’ll never experience true happiness.”

(Waves are terrible). “There’s a little something out there! It’ll be nice to just get in the water!”

Come at me, bro. This shit is SUPER important.

“Back up, kook!”

4. The Always Angry Guy- gets the barrel of his life with a frown. Burns people all day and yells at first guy to burn him.

“It’s soooo crowded!!” (to nobody in particular).

“Go home, kook! Locals only!” (not from there either).

There should be laws against this kind of thing.

“Woah, sorry! I didn’t even effing see you, man!”

5. The Blind Man- insists he didn’t see you screaming down the line.

“Oh, man. That sun’s gnarly, huh? Didn’t see you there.”

“My bad, dude. Had no idea you were right behind me.”

Advertisement

Surf science

“I’ve rigged this geospatial targeting unit to measure the maximum torque in my turns.”

6. The Tech Master- equipped with a Trace, GoPro, waterproof smart watch, full carbon wrap surfboard, Sharkbanz and shark repellent leash, Rip Curl heated wetsuit even in the summer.

“Hey man, check out my ultrapolycarbonate hydropolymorphate super light but extra durable leash. Cost me like a grand, but it gives you live info about how to improve your surfing while in the lineup.”

“Did you see my surf stats on Facebook last night? I got a 271-degree turn during an evening sesh at Lowers. That’s 3 more degrees than I normally get. I shared it, you must’ve just not seen it.”

Ryan Burch Styling on a 14-Foot Log

“Surfing is about reaching enlightenment through the innermost part of Mother Ocean’s soul.”

7. The Rootsy Dude- no leash, rides only board designs developed in the 60’s and 70’s (i.e. traditional longboards, fishes, and single fins), beavertail wetsuit.

“What is internet?”

“Nah I don’t know what time it is. I’ve never owned a watch. Time is relative in the world of Mother Ocean.”

In most other sports, screaming "F*CK YOU" at a judge or a referee wouldn't just be swept under the rug. Should surfing be any different?

“You’re better than that! Get out of you’re own head!”

8. The Screamer- yells curses after every completed ride, discontent with the number of opportunities missed to perform aerials, turns, floaters, et al.

“Fuck! You’re such an idiot.” (Talking to self).

Advertisement

“Land that one next time, pussy!”

"Hey, you watch the new season of House of Cards yet? It's awesome!"

“Hey, you watch the new season of House of Cards yet? It’s awesome!” Photo: Wikimedia Commons

9. The Talker- friendly enough, but always trying to talk everyone’s ear off and hard to get a word in edgewise.

“Hey, you watch the debate last night? I did. I think so and so won. It wasn’t the best. Where are you from? I live down the street. That’s a rad board. Mine’s brand new.”

"Is that a mod swallow tail, glassed on thruster setup? Can I get a look at that thing?"

“Is that a mod swallow tail, glassed on thruster setup? Can I get a look at that thing?”

10. The Gear Geek– Always wants to take a look at the undercarriage of everyone’s board.

“Hey, that last one was sick. Is that a single fin? Quad? Half moon tail? How many liters of foam is it?”

“What bottom contours you rockin’, dude? Single to double-triple concave with a quadruple V out the tail?”

 

Newsletter

Only the best. We promise.

Contribute

Join our community of contributors.

Apply