In recent years, “surf training” has become a real thing. No longer is it enough to simply surf–one must constantly be physically preparing for the difficulties of sliding on top of waves. Surf-centric gyms have opened up all over the world, the pros all maintain a ferocious training regimen, and you, as the average everyday surfer, need to step your game up in a very serious way if you would like to continue having fun. After all, the only way surfing is fun is if you take it very, very seriously. We’re serious. That’s why The Raglan Surf Report put together a very, very serious training video. Take this seriously. Very, very seriously.

1. Monotonous Jumping
Nothing is better for your surfing than jumping up and down. It increases your stamina so you can jump up and down more and, because of gravity, helps move your blood from your head to your feet at an incredible rate of speed.
2. That Tyre Flippy Thing
If there’s one thing (other than monotonous jumping) that will make you a better surfer, it’s flipping tires. How many times have you been surfing and realized that by flipping a tire over, you could have become a much better surfer? A key element with That Tyre Flippy Thing is to always use a small spare–anything larger and you may run the risk of building muscles.

3. Egg & Spoon Starjumps
Egg & Spoon Starjumps are a key part of every great surfer’s training routine. Kelly Slater does 200 of them each morning, then makes a 200 egg omelet. Mick Fanning does 150 before he goes to bed, then plays “Hey Susanna” on the spoons. Sally Fitzgibbons is planning on remaking her entire fitness course to involve nothing other than Egg & Spoon Starjumps. If they’re doing it, so should you.

4. Invisible Pterodactyl Dodging
Invisible pterodactyls are a frequent cause for concern when one is surfing. You don’t even see them coming. Be prepared, though, because they’re there. If you haven’t practiced dodging them, you’ll be in for an unpleasant surprise.

5. Parenting
Nothing on earth is faster than a runaway child. They also crap in their pants while smiling at you and routinely vomit with no warning whatsoever. When it comes to all around preparedness–both physical and mental–parenting is the best training for surfing.

6. Jean Claude Van Damning
Jean Claude Van Damme is one of the best surfers in the world. In 1998, he beat Kelly Slater for the world title but was eventually disqualified because judges watched Double Team, the 1997 release starring Dennis Rodman. He retired from professional surfing soon afterward, but not before revealing to Rosy Hodge during a post-heat interview that kicking down palm trees was the key to his success.
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