The Inertia Smartass
This is good. Really, it is. Photo: Mike Coots

This is good. Really, it is. Photo: Mike Coots

The Inertia

Look, I’ll do anything to get my own waves. But sometimes that just isn’t in the cards. Here’s to growing from shitty circumstances.

1. It teaches you to have empathy… for drug addicts. When you can’t get your fix of waves, and find yourself vibing, scowling, or crying during the most fun activity in the world (surfing), you realize you’re the same as Bubbs. Just scheming and itching for that next hit.

2. It teaches patience. You gotta wait your turn. With a hundred fiends out, and a handful of waves per set, there’s gonna be waiting, sometimes too much. Which brings us to #3.

3. It teaches you to compete. There are a lot of people in this world. Hundreds of ’em. All over the place. If you’re too patient, you may find yourself never getting a turn.  No one ever got anywhere cool by being a timid little bitch. Put yourself in position, paddle with intent, and commit.

4. It teaches gratitude. When you do finally get your wave of the day in a crowded lineup it’s memorable. It tastes real good. It’ll turn your mood 180 degrees, and you’ll start experiencing all kinds of strange emotions, like gratitude. Once you’re on that train your mind starts spinning and you realize the swell size, direction, period, tide, wind, weather, season, day of the week, nature of the universe aside, both sets of your grandparents had to meet and successfully have sex in order for you to be riding a wave of energy traveling through water on this living rock which is hurling through the expanding universe at 1000 mph in an orbit around a fucking star. How crazy is that?

5. It teaches you grace under pressure. Duh. But when it’s super crowded, you have the added pressure of swooping and sliding around potential involuntary manslaughter charges and ruined families, as well as making the wave and having a nice time.

6. It teaches you how to fight. It’s a possibility that you will be involved in an altercation at some point if you regularly surf crowded lineups. Addicts have a tendency to get a might ornery when waiting for their next hoot. If you are able to remain calm and talk logically and objectively about the water sports disagreement, you may avoid physical contact. Otherwise, you may have to learn how to defend and even counter periodic attacks, verbal or physical, pertaining to water sports. And that’s good for you, too!

7. It teaches you to make friends. You’re allowed to smile out there. Spending time in a crowded lineup is so much more tolerable if you’re treating the people you interact with in a friendly manner. Realize we’re all on the same team. Give a fellow surfer a head nod after a good wave, or give a bro a harmless platonic butt pat as they paddle by. Spread good vibes and see the world smile a little more.

8. It teaches you that you have to be in it to win it. Generally it’s crowded because the waves are fun. And you certainly aren’t going to get any if you sit in your car with the heater on listening to Will Smith hits before going to get an undeserved chorizo burrito. Will Smith will always be there for you. Always. And he doesn’t do drugs.


Only the best. We promise.


Join our community of contributors.