Absolute pandemonium down at the site of the 2015 Oi Rio Pro. Photo: WSL / Salem
I watch a load of sport. Far too much, probably. I can’t watch recorded sport either, if the result has already happened I can’t get into it. It’s one of the curses of being a gambler. And in the context of global sport, I am cursed by my time zone. GMT is a nightmare. March through May is heavy. It begins with the Australian leg of the Tour, followed by Brazil and the Pacific leg. The NBA regular season is relentless and the playoffs unmissable. March Madness makes college ball worth watching for a month. The first two golfing Majors of the year are the Masters in April and the US Open in June. The UFC is a constant battle to stay awake all year long. And on my own shores the English and Scottish football leagues offer no reprieve through the daylight hours. You get the idea.
It doesn’t matter that I rarely get to attend any of these events. It makes no difference to me where they take place, aside from a disrupted sleep pattern. Sports coverage and commentary is so good these days that there is little point in actually being there. This should be perfect for the WSL.
Surfing is the poster boy for sports which are a complete waste of time in person. Aside from possible exceptions such as Pipe, you are far better off watching surfing on a screen.
Why would you want to cram into some crowded piece of coastline where there’s no chance of a parking space? Inevitably, you’ll stand around for hours getting wet, cold, fed-up, sunburnt, drunk, then fed up again. You’ll have no clue what time the start will be. Sometimes you’ll go through the whole rigmarole only to trudge back through the event site without seeing a single heat. And trudging of large crowds and heavy equipment does no favors to sand dunes or fragile reefs.
Quite apart from the logistical nightmare, watching the action unfold is a confusing letdown. If you manage to squeeze into a spot where you can see anything, you’re doing well. But don’t get too comfortable because you’ll need to move in a minute to get a beer/find food/take a piss. Or maybe because the tide has reclaimed your spot. Ultimately, it won’t matter because you’ll need to be a super surf nerd to know exactly what heat is on anyway. And you definitely won’t know which scores were awarded to which waves or even which surfers. Score delays make tracking the heat almost impossible. You can forget replays, or being able to hear the announcers. Chuck in a few wacky judging calls and the whole thing is a pointless Jackson Pollok-esque splattered excuse for a sporting event.
Surfing is definitely not a sport that thrives in the live arena, and yet all we hear are complaints about the poor quality of waves at Bells Beach, or lack of sanitation at the Rio Pro, Brazil. Here’s a thought: If shit waves (or actual shit) is a problem, then move somewhere else! Another venue, another country. I know Brazil has millions of fans who want a piece of the surfers (perhaps literally) but why not hold an event somewhere less afflicted by average waves, corruption, disease, rioting, etc… Why not focus on the quality of the broadcast instead? The fans will have a far better time watching the comp on big screens at potentially WSL sanctioned public events like has been posed for the upcoming Rio event. This is the future.
It would definitely work. Samsung can provide the tech and giant screens, and Corona will provide the bottles to throw at them. We can have gigantic public drinking games based on Potz and Turpel, transforming them into cult heroes overnight! We’ll be smashed by the end of the first heat each day, buckled to our knees by “nice, clean, smooth surfing”. We won’t give a flying fuck about the judging or Sebastian Zietz!
Perhaps Rabbit and the old ASP had it right all along. The WSL still espouse the mantra of “the best surfers in the best waves,” but they don’t always act on it. Let’s get rid of Bells and Rio for a kick off. Forget history or mental fans clawing at the surfers. Let’s add a couple of events with a better chance of exciting waves and focus on a slick broadcast. A few people will cry about it, sure. That’s life, you can’t suit everyone so there’s no point in trying. At the end of the day what’s important to a successful organization is entertainment, not the sport itself. (Just ask Dana White and the UFC). Surfing may cling grimly on as a viable competitive pursuit; but as a spectator sport it’s a waste of time. The sooner the WSL recognize this, the more entertained we’ll be.
