Writer/Surfer
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My one true love.

My one true love. Photo: Lucas Tozzi


The Inertia

I have fallen in love with two, maybe three different women in my life. I assume it was love, anyway. I told them I loved them, and spoke those words truthfully from my heart. At the time, I believed it was true love.

I never felt, however, that if something were to happen, I would not be able to live without them in my life. Maybe to some that is not true love at all. Do not judge me as cold or heartless, for I was heartbroken and will always have feelings toward these women. As Bodhi said to Johnny Utah: “She was my woman once. We shared time in this world.” And significant time with a woman is always a heavy thing.

When I started actually surfing, I found a true and beautiful relationship. Damn, she was passionate, both in and out of the water. She filled my thoughts, and I could not get her out. I knew I had found true love. I would meet with her in the water as often as I could and yet, it was never enough. She could be so gorgeous and so ugly at the same time. At times, she would give me the most euphoric feelings. At other times, she would beat me almost senseless. But it didn’t matter, because I loved her. I would come home from being with her in the ocean and would still want to watch a movie with her. I was addicted. She was on my mind more than anything else had ever been. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore. I would get angry and depressed if I had not seen her in a while.

Fast-forward two years to the present.

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I’m still so in love with the girl. This has not happened before. I cannot stop thinking about her. Sure, we argue and bicker, just like all couples do. But how can I stay mad at someone as beautiful and loving as her? Our relationship as a couple has grown significantly. She is so supportive and she teaches me new things every time we’re together. Just by being in my life, she has made me a better person.

I still meet her in the ocean as often as I can. However, I still don’t see her enough. When I see her face, it’s like I am seeing her again for the first time.

I realized long ago that I need her, and I’m heavily addicted to her. She has made me move from places; made me quit good jobs; even made me break up with other woman I have loved. I even feel the people I hang out with now are different because of this girl. It has all been worth it, though.

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Often we will talk about going on adventures together. I will spend hours researching the perfect place I can be with her. Mexico, Panama, Indonesia, and Costa Rica are a few places where we love to spend time together. There are so many places though that will make our relationship stronger. Places that I need to go and explore with her by my side.

In my heart, though, I know I will do these things because I am utterly, hopelessly, and fully in love. And will be until I’m gone.

She has shown me a completely different way to live on this planet that I never realized was possible before I met her. It’s insane, but I know now that I cannot live without her in my life.

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