Most movies should never be remade. North Shore, a 1980’s depiction of life on the Seven Mile Miracle, probably isn’t an exception to that rule. Young Occy was genius. Gerry Lopez was (kinda) scary. Laird played the guy everybody loved to hate. And Matt Adler (as Rick Kane) gave us cringe-worthy sentiments on what it means to be a soul surfer, rounding out the full hero’s journey.
That was thirty years ago now, which means the movie has made its full rounds from critical and popular acclaim, to obscurity, then back to a level now where its ironic genius is appreciated and it’s actually cool again. Hollywood did go for it with a remake of Point Break, NBC is reviving Blue Crush as a new network television series, and believe it or not, word has it there is a script floating around tinsel town for a North Shore reboot. So who would be cast as the new Chandler? The next Burkhart? Is Kai Lenny or John John a more convincing 2017 Rick Kane? Maybe some producer decides to mix things up and have Sage Erickson, Keala Kennelly, or Carissa Moore give a woman’s take on Turtle? But if you ask Ian Walsh, it really doesn’t matter who reads any of these scripts in the most convincing fashion anyway – it’s all about who can pull off the most stylish hair flips and kick outs on camera.
For one evening on the North Shore (the place, not the movie), I stood in the halls of Turtle Bay during the annual SURFER Awards, where a bunch of beautiful people were dressed to the nines. I put them on the spot, told them they were auditioning for a role in the North Shore reboot (the movie, not the place), handed them a script, and the cameras rolled. Here are a few things I learned about the world’s best surfers moonlighting as Hollywood stars and starlets:
-John John really wants to play Rick Kane. By far the most enthusiastic of the bunch. “Chandler, Chandler!!”
-Sage Erickson has an involuntary shaka reflex…as in, she tosses them around like punctuation marks for dramatic impact. It’s adorable. I dig it. We went back and watched the full audition tape and she threw out at least four of them in a 20-second scene.
-Nobody listens to Turtle, but everyone wants to be Turtle. About 99.9 percent of professional surfers immediately asked if they could audition as Turtle and had zero interest in any other parts.
-Also worth noting, most of them aren’t as up to date on their North Shore quotes as you’d think.
-Keala Kennelly always brings the heat (and an entourage) with her red carpet fashion.
So there it is. The North Shore: Not coming to a theater near you anytime soon.
Video shot and edited by Gabe Reuben.