Writer, Surfer

The Inertia

What actually is the recent Billabong campaign? I’d love to know who came up with it. They must have a tremendous sense of humor. I mean, Billabong x Iggy Pop…really?

A couple of old dinosaurs, desperately clinging on to relevance. Billabong on one hand, about to be bought over, again, by the same fund that owns their biggest rival; and Iggy Pop on the other, drooping into obscurity, with his saggy tits hanging out.

It’s like a match made in mental health problems.

Poor Creed McTaggart. I know he’s into music, but I bet his contract with Billabong didn’t specify care and companionship of the elderly. What was the pitch: “Hey, Creed, you wear leather jackets and listen to music, right..?”

I’m afraid it just doesn’t work. I can’t put my finger on exactly why. In fact, that’s a lie. I can. It’s because it’s utterly, utterly ludicrous. And it reeks of desperation. A desperate aging rock star, straining to seem relevant again, and a surf brand dying on its arse, which may well be outlived by the old bastard they’ve inexplicably collaborated with.

And what sort of collaboration is this, anyway? What exactly is Iggy Pop’s input to boardshorts? Did he shit himself in a pair a few times to test their durability? I’m not sure Iggy is in a fit state to collaborate with anyone on anything, aside from maybe a baked potato and tuna.

It reminds me of the time when I was young and we found out that the old lady down the road had been taken into care. My brothers and I were kids at the time and didn’t understand very much. So when Mum and Dad told us that someone had gone to visit the poor old dear and found her slicing a bar of soap onto her bread we thought it was the funniest fucking thing we’d ever heard.

I’m not sure if it’s Billabong or Iggy that’s the old lady, but they’re both well past their sell-by-date. So desperate for a sniff of the success they enjoyed decades ago that they’ve unwittingly made a soap sandwich.

Perhaps it’s an act of sabotage? Perhaps, given the rumored Quiksilver takeover, they’re trying to assassinate their own credibility. Was this really their last gasp? Billabong’s final campaign? Whether it is or it isn’t, it’s sad. And it makes me sad.

Editor’s Note: Opinions expressed by contributors are their own.


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