Mr. Slater, burned at Uluwatu. Photo: Screenshot
“Did you seriously just burn me?”
“Didn’t see you there. Crook neck.”
“Cheers.”
There’s a time and a place for everything, and burning someone is no exception. Not a drop in, where lack of awareness is cited in the social ticket. A burn is where intention comes into play. The operant word being intention.
If surf crimes were translated into legalese, a drop in would be involuntary manslaughter. The sentence… sitting out a few waves. A burn would be Murder-One, special circumstances. The sentence debatable by a jury of your peers… did they deserve it?
We’ve all dropped in on someone. “I didn’t see you,” and “I didn’t look left (on the right).” Apologetic tone; remorseful of the faux pas.
But a burn, with every slang of the word, is a diss in the unspoken language of surfing. It says, “I don’t like how you’re doing things [surfing] and I don’t like you.”
Before you commit a capital surfing crime, consider the target. We’re holding court. Here’s a few to burn, and one to not.
The SUP
Backpaddling is a touchy subject when there’s no defined peak. As a rule of thumb, unless it’s your lineup (get real), don’t paddle around the pack after you’ve caught a wave. Join the queue, wait your turn.
The stand-up paddle boarder changes the dynamic. They no longer need to paddle a hair deeper than you to snake a wave. They glide, with dry hair and smug smiles, a few yards further out, and get into one long before you’re even jockeying for position.
It’s okay to burn this person. They’ve got an entire ocean to cool off in. And if you time it just right, that’s where they’ll be headed, hopefully head over heels.
Mr. No Go
A set wave approaches, and you’re second from the peak. You see the lad paddling hard, so you back off before the section crumbles. Wisps of white water gracefully comb back with the offshores. Then, what is that? An amorphous neoprene body using their very short board as a seesaw, pulling away from the ride of the day.
It happens. Everyone gets the yips. But if it happens again? Green light.
If it’s two, it’s true. You can’t wait around all day — especially a Surfline-verified good-to-epic day — for Mr. No Go to find his cajones. It’s not really even a burn if he doesn’t go. But of course, by the time you find the stones to do it, he’ll have done the same. Hopefully he straightens out and pays the piper, lest you have to explain yourself.
I’d vote to acquit.
(And Never) The Grom
Yea, there’s criminal times to burn someone. Heavy waves, shallow reefs, problems with your personal life. But burning the grom is despicable. I’m not talking about a grom… some snot-nosed kid who thinks he’s free from social justice. It’s the grom. The kid who undeniably rips harder than you; the kid with a future in surfing.
All the other aspiring athletes have a controlled place to hone their craft. Courts, fields, rinks. It’s a controlled environment with unlimited exposure. The ocean is not, and if you happen to find yourself in the same lane as the kid with the dream, don’t be a crab in the pot.
Unless it’s your little sibling, then throw caution to the wind.
