Just yesterday, we posted a short video from the inimitable Norwell 9 about how to become a sponsored surfer. It was a very serious look at what the young up-and-comer needs to do to get free t-shirts and, if they’re really lucky, free fins.
Today, we’ve stumbled up an even more serious How-To from the (sponsored!) folks over at the very-serious-and-not-a-laughing-matter Raglan Surf Report. In it, they break down four simple things one must do to get free stuff. Below, we’ve paraphrased for heightened understanding. If you can’t read, watch the video. Actually, watch it anyway. And also, if you can’t read, then how are you reading this?
1. Have a social media presence
Snapchat. Get on it.
It is an absolute necessity for you to spend most of your time talking to followers you don’t actually know. Be sure to portray your life as much better than theirs, because nothing makes people strive for greatness like jealousy.
2. Develop a style
Clint Eastwood wore it first. But do you wear it better?
If you don’t have your own style, simply look at the person you’re most jealous of on Instagram, copy theirs, and then talk constantly about the importance of having your own style. Or wear a poncho.
3. Have a side gig
Make something that isn’t being made anymore because something better was made. Then call it “vintage” and “authentic”.
You must find a side gig. Preferably one that doesn’t pay well, like shaping single fins, making “art”, or playing in a mediocre band for the “love of the music.” Pay no attention to the fact that the music you might be making isn’t actually very hard to love.
4. Understand your surfing ability
Can you stand up and go straight? If yes, simply get your arms and hands in the above position. Then wait for the sponsorships to come flooding in!
Actually, don’t worry about this too much.
