Onechain, doing what he does. Photo: Moja Gear
The rapping-about-rock climbing game isn’t a game with many players — in fact, there are exactly two rappers who compose this entire genre, and one of them kind of fell off a few years ago. Nevertheless, it’s undoubtedly Onechaintwobinerz, a 20-something Floridian who started rapping while teaching belay classes, who’s currently killing this game.
And when we say that he’s killing the game, we mean that he’s recorded a handful of songs (that you’ll soon be cracking up about) chock full of quips about his grip strength and sending prowess, that he’s performed at some rock climbing events, has a selfie of himself with Sasha DiGuilian sporting his logo, and, well, we’re talking about him, right?
We were impressed with Onechain’s one-liners (he’s got “More bars than CLIF,” he’s “the half-black laugh-rapping, stronger Jared Leto,” he “sends your proj in Nikes and swoops your girl before you’re even tied in”).
So we challenged him to a rap battle. Via email. Actually, it wasn’t so much of a battle as an interview conducted in rap form. Whenever we received his emails, always with the slightly embellished subject line of “Rapper climber actor model 1c2b,” we straight laughed our asses off. (He’s no actor, but “reserves the right to act.”)
That’s why we’re publishing our rap-interview with him, in full. How he got his unlikely start, his favorite crag, his recent “corner-to-corner” roadtrip — it’s all there. And if you can deal with our pitifully, unspeakably, appallingly, ineffably wack rhymes, you can read all about those things below.
But first, check out Onechain’s SoundCloud page to hear his wisecrack-heavy tracks first-hand.
Or press play on this one for a quick sample:
Here he is, Tampa, Florida’s very own Michael Brown, AKA Onechaintwobinerz, with rock climbing darling, Sasha DiGuilian:
Feast on this y’all:
The Inertia:
I want do this interview in raps that you write me back in emails
Are you cool with what that entails?
Man, I hope you don’t bail
That would be an epic fail
Like how I flail
On my projects
My prospects in life
Are limited
Somewhat, but
No fucks
To give, anymore
If not, no stress
I sent it on toprope, but when I lead it I’m a mess
Can you guess / why I didn’t become a rapper?
Onechaintwobinerz:
Yooo,
much respect, I detect,
You really coulda been a rapper
Sometimes it’s cool to try on top rope and crush it on lead after,
Doesn’t matter, cause ain’t nobody really on 1chains level,
Starting boulder projects so low, I’m dabbing on the devil,
Abs of metal, my slab’s incredible, I’m scooby and the gang at comps: I have to medal…
Not your average fellow, I’m the last to settle, bars so hot it’s like you grabbed a kettle,
Got sick of grabbing pebbles, I hit the road, put gas to pedal—
Just getting warmed up, what exactly you want to ask this fellow?
The Inertia:
If you told me some basics about yourself, that would be spectacular
Like, where do you hail from?
Are you living that van life?
And, are you really an actor?
What’s your mic name mean?
What’s your favorite crag?
Besides Kanye-level fame, immortality through raps
And a nice piece of ass,
What dreams are you chasing after?
Onechaintwobinerz:
Yo,
If you hate sailing and sand, or ya shoulders kinda weak,
Then don’t come out to Florida, we boulder by the beach
I spent four months,
In this tour bus,
My trip was just enormous,
From corner to corner,
Now I’m going going, back back to flow-da
But I’ll warn ya: I’m phoning em for a triple crown performance (anotha one)
As for “rapper actor model” that ain’t just a generic label,
I’m the half black laugh-rapping, stronger Jared Leto
The rock gym I taught top rope in,
Had got a tru blue, I threw the two lockers on the new chain, grabbed blue shades and taught top rope as 2chainz with a new name
Who’d think? I had em laughing all class,the after math? 1c2b: my rapping ass
So rap? I’m happy to add I’ve mastered that, the tour was phat but after that I’m blasting past the other half of the atlas– with a platinum rack.
My favorite crag has to be Squamish, if I really had to be honest, it’s got it all , I was astonished, flawless features flawless people, nothing else is equal
CHCHK BLAOW!!
P.s. I ain’t being lazy, these last two days were crazy…
As for current projects, Onechain is “currently ‘Frank Ocean’ing my new album, which is a visual album, similar to Beyoncé’s Lemonade in style, production quality, and magnitude,” whatever that means.
Here’s another of his tunes worth checking out.
