“I totally got barreled!” No, no you did not. In fact, you’re what many call a “barrel dodger.” Photo: Mathew Hume//Unsplash
Surfing is pure stoke…but it isn’t built on truth. Our wave-riding habit is built on a series of small but persistent lies we tell ourselves before we paddle out, while we’re sitting in the lineup, and especially when we should’ve already gone in.
Face it, surfers lie to themselves constantly. Most of the time, our candid dishonestly is the only reason we paddle out at all. Here’s a cross-section of the lies we tell.
I’ll just paddle out for a quick one.
You’ve said this so many times that even you don’t believe it — never mind anyone you had plans with.
It’s probably better than it looks.
Every cam and report firmly suggest taking the day off, but you’re frothing and this is your only window. Note: this never ends well.
Just one more wave.
There’s no quicker way to get fired from your job than to paddle back out for “just one more.” You’ll either spend an hour waiting or you’ll grab three sick ones in a row and forget to go in altogether.
I’m just here to get in the water.
Come on, there’s a hose in the back yard. This white lie is actually a smart way to manage high expectations and take the pressure off. Just be aware that everyone knows you’re full of shit.
Tomorrow, I’ll be out at dawn.
It’s an admirable goal, but it’s “pint night” at your local and your alarm doesn’t stand a chance after that late-night “emergency” visit to In and Out.
I’ve been surfing better lately.
You really haven’t, and in fact, you’re slowly getting worse. But that new board will smooth everything out.
I look great in my wetsuit.
You should size down! Have you been working out?
I used to be a better surfer.
Sorry to break it to you, but if anything, you…were worse.
I’ll just sit out wide and pick off the sets.
You’ll do this for approximately 0-1 waves, after which you’ll paddle to the peak and set up shop.
A brand-new stick will change my style.
You currently surf the same on all 26 of your boards: like one of your feet is on fire.
That one would’ve been good if I was deeper…
You’d still have botched it, just from a different angle.
I didn’t drop in on anyone today.
I mean…it was kind of their fault, don’t you think?
I’m totally not tired!
You’re just sort of floating around – hey, are you conscious?
I’m the best surfer in my crew.
You realize you all think that, right? Might want to bring that up on the group chat.
Surfing is just a small part of my life.
Name one other thing you think about more per day. Actually — please don’t.
I could stop surfing anytime.
You need to see a professional for the specific type of help you need.
Surfing means everything.
Hey, it’s not a lie if you believe it.
