Honestly, how mad can you get at a kid who, while smiling and having a blast, steamrolls you on his Wavestorm? Pretty mad if that “kid” is a 40 to 50-year-old dude on a fiberglass longboard. Photo: @kookoftheday
To the middle-aged, forget-to-look, inside-paddling SUP-er on the white epoxy paddleboard with black and green accents, and to the also-middle-aged serial backpaddler on the multicolored epoxy surfboard, greetings. I wanted to shoot you both a quick letter.
It was July fifth, “Independence Day Observed.” The sandbars were solid, the swell that had had been promised for the third and Fourth had finally arrived, and the lineup was packed as everyone had taken care of their patriotically obliged drinking the day before. A gorgeous peak had appeared, mostly a right as the left often closed. I’d just caught a nice one, and was paddling back out as the next wave of the set came rolling through.
This is where it begins (and the inspiration to write to you both). Unidentified backpaddling longboarder (I’ll call you Fred), I saw you drop in from deep, cutting a decent high line across the impact zone. Out on the shoulder, you, forget-to-look, inside-paddling SUP-er (I’ll call you George), decided to go for the same wave, laboriously turning your boat-like SUP and unsteadily paddling towards shore. Like all the other waves I saw you go on, you didn’t spare a single glance over your shoulder as you dropped in on Fred.
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It would have been the burn of the century, but Fred, you turned it into even more of a hair raiser. Instead of a verbal get-out-of-my-way-kook such as, “yo yo yo!” or my favorite, the high pitched “Yewwww!” or even a quick cutback to straighten out and avoid contact, maybe even a toss of the hands in mute appeal to the rest of the lineup for recognition of the grievous wrong that was just done to you, Fred you did anything but alter your course or give a verbal warning. A vicious “thonk!” resounded through the lineup as your board slammed into George’s SUP at full speed. From my position on the inside, I had front row seats to the drama. Expecting angry words or at least a check in of, “Are you ok?” I paddled closer to listen in. Instead, the two of you wordlessly got back on your crafts (without even assessing them for damage) and paddled back out to the lineup like you run into other surfers all the time.
To the two of you, I have but one question – really?? Neither of you are going to acknowledge how monumentally stupid that was on both of your parts? To George, I can tell that you don’t have that much experience in the water, from the unsteady way you paddled your bulbous surf-craft to the way you sat on the outside shoulder waiting for scraps, but the children paddling around in the shorebreak on foam boards know better than to do something like go for whatever wave they want without looking. Do better – for the sake of not ruining someone’s wave, but also for your own sake, because you never know what suicidal idiot is going to come flying down the line.
To Fred, from the large epoxy longboard to your serial backpaddling and general lack of etiquette, I’d say you seem like the intermediate surfer who has surpassed the “beginner” stage and now thinks they rule the lineup. I have two things to say to you. First of all, you don’t rule the lineup, no one does. Second of all, that was monumentally fucking stupid. That little incident could have gone a lot of different ways. Remember this incident in Santa Cruz? A surfer almost died because of a wayward surfboard. In this case we’re talking about a willfully-directed board at full-speed trim. Don’t create such chances for potential injury. Just don’t.
Sincerely,
Me
