In the annals of women’s sport, there are a few events that will live on forever as moments of enduring spectacle: Venus Williams dressed in a teddy at the 2010 French Open, Tonya Harding ordering a hit on Nancy Kerrigan, and basically the entire paradigm of butt floss and cheerleaders that beach volleyball has become come to mind right off the bat. The good people at Roxy, apparently desperate to enter history whichever way possible, have added another moment to this list recently with their #whoamijustguess teaser for the Roxy Pro Biarritz. If you haven’t seen the video, press play above. But don’t watch it at work, or around your kids, or around your parents, or really anywhere where you don’t want people to think you are viewing softcore porn. As my girlfriend put it, when she happened upon me watching the video: “It looks like it’s about a call girl.”
The conceit, if that word can be used to describe something as meaningless as this, is that a young woman wakes up in France, puts on a shirt, checks her electronics, takes off her shirt, takes a shower, then goes to surf in a heat. They never show said girl’s face. But here’s where they etch their names into the record books of the outlandish. The story is told by focusing mostly on the mystery girl’s asshole. In a move that puts every one of those North Shore movies to shame (You know: “Here’s guys getting barreled and here’s women’s asses!”) they fit twelve butt shots into 1 minute and 46 seconds. This is the 800-meter dash of butt shots.
Aside from ass-gazing, the other discernable theme for the video is commodity fetishism – HTC electronics to be precise. They deliver four separate shots to plug a smartphone and a touch screen computer. Jeep also gets a quick shot, along with DHD surfboards, and of course, Roxy. There are no waves ridden, and even the obligatory paddle out shot ends with a view that lets the voyeur, I mean viewer, stare almost directly up the mystery sphincter.