Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a movie made about you. Ok, now keep your hand up if two decades later somebody then created a remake of that original movie that was about you. I’m the only one in the room with my hand still up? Thought so.
With all the buzz surrounding Point Break, I’m speaking of course of that new Point Break which is actually a recreation of the original blockbuster hit Point Break, based on the gnarliest entry level position ever but not to be confused with the modern retelling of that same story, Point Break, I’ve become a tad nostalgic as of late. So every once in a while I pop in the VHS and reminisce about my bromance with Bodhi, and how chasing four psycho surfers dressed as Reagan, Nixon, Carter and LBJ actually became the greatest blessing of my life. Surfing’s the source, man. They taught me that.
But I still have some things to get off my chest. First of which is to settle the score once and for all with Bunker Weiss, Lupton Pittman and Co. So I present to you:
The Top Ten Reasons Warchild Should Have Backed Off. Seriously.
10. That was my favorite leash Bunker trashed.
9. They could’ve just told me locals rule and yuppie insects like me shouldn’t have been surfing their break. That would not have been a waste of anybody’s time.
8. He only lived to get radical.
7. Technically I burned Bunker, not Warchild.
6. He thought he was a part of some death squad or something.
5. Because I’m an Eff Bee Eye agent.
4. Because Bodhi hates violence. I mean, he could never have held a knife to Tyler’s throat. That’s why he had Rosie do it. She was his woman. They shared time.
3. He and his buddies always partied in Panama City. Who the f*** parties in Panama City?
2. That was all over a wave at Latigo Frickin’ Beach man, it’s not like it was Pipe!
1. Little hand didn’t say it was time to rock and roll.