Ben Gravy made his life better, but life doesn’t always get easier when it gets better. You just have the tools to deal with the bad. Photo: Ben Gravy//YouTube
On Christmas Eve 10 years ago, Ben Gravy was in a bad place. Not just physically — although blackout drunk at a New Jersey dive bar is certainly not a good place — but mentally, as well. In the decade since, his life has improved by leaps and bounds. That’s not to say it’s all been easy, though. Far from it, and it was especially difficult in 2025. Today, a few days after the 10-year anniversary of his first step towards sobriety, Ben Gravy is reflecting on just how much his life has changed.
Eight months or so ago, Gravy and his wife found out they were having a baby. The due date was to be Christmas Day. In a tragic turn of events, though, their baby boy, who was to be named Benji, stopped growing at 15 weeks. It was heartbreaking.
“Christmas also happens to be my sobriety date, and on Christmas I celebrated 10 years since I changed my life,” Gravy said. “I thought that my life had come full circle and my destiny was going to be fulfilled exactly 10 years to the day that I quit drinking with the birth of my first child.”
But then, a few months after they found out they were to be parents, they got the worst news imaginable.
“In July,” Gravy continued, “we lost our son Benji during the second trimester. I held his little body in my arms and I accepted that he would never get to be a part of this world. It was devastating. My life is different now. I look at things differently. I’m not as me as I used to be and I probably never will be again. This has been the hardest year of my life by far.”
Ben didn’t make the video you see here for sympathy. Instead, he wants his story to be an inspiring one. A message that, although life can erect enormous hurdles, hope springs eternal.
“I want people to understand that no matter what we’re expecting tomorrow, next year, or 10 years from now, your life can drastically change. Fast,” he said. “So today matters. The people around you matter. The people who you love and who love you back. The people who support you. The things you’ve said and the energy that you put into the world every day matters. It matters a lot, so be the person you want to be today and make your life count, because you never know when it will change. Even though I’m not going to the hospital to meet my son, I have a lot of things in my life to be grateful for.”
