Some time ago now, news broke that Tesla was dipping its toes in the surfboard biz. It was an odd thing, that decision, but like everything the Musk ox touches, it turned to gold. Tesla turned to …Lost’s mad scientist Matt Biolos to carve a few hunks of foam into a few surfboards that would eventually sell for way too much, and sell for way too much they did. In just a few days, they sold out to the tune of something like $300,000.
Presumably, the target market was rich people who don’t actually surf all that much, similar to a leather Lamborghini jacket or a Porche hat—something that screams “I drive a Tesla and also I am an extreme sports enthusiast!” or “this jacket or hat means I am wealthy and therefore deserving of your envy!”
One can, of course, be almost certain that no actual surfers bought any, because actual surfers are generally too broke to drop thousands of dollars on a surfboard. Case in point: the guy in the video above, who decided to buy one and then break it in half. Despite the fact that they’re going for something like $10,000 on eBay, this (rich) genius with his mirrored aviators thought that snapping it for the internet would be cool, instead of say, selling it and giving the money to a charity.
The guy, however, makes a living seeing what’s inside stuff on his Youtube channel, appropriately named What’s Inside? So far, he’s seen what’s inside various objects, like an Apple watch, a speed bag, and a rattlesnake rattle. “We cut open random things to see what’s inside,” he explains. “This channel started with a 2nd-grade school project to see what was inside sports balls. We cut things open so you don’t have to.”
A few years ago, I was surfing next to a man with a carbon fiber surfboard. He wasn’t very good, but he was very friendly. All of his equipment was next-level. As in-water conversations generally do, ours turned to surfboards. Mine, a bruised and battered mini mal (sorry, it’s California) that no one in their right mind would ever buy from me, and his, a sleek, black, shiny spaceship, clearly shaped for steep, hollow waves. “What’d that set you back?” I asked him. “Oh, about $1,500,” he answered casually before blowing another takeoff.
Anyway, if you would like to spare yourself from five-or-so minutes of cringe-worthy surfing, skip ahead to the 5:50 mark to watch a dumb guy destroy a really expensive surfboard on purpose. Rumor has it Elon Musk is crying for humanity even more now.