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This was nuts! Good job, Tom Lowe! Image: Provided by Tom Lowe

This was nuts! Good job, Tom Lowe! Image: Provided by Tom Lowe


The Inertia

Editor’s Note: The Inertia Now is a (mostly) weekly synopsis of what’s been happenin’ in and around The Inertia’s digital tentacles. Each week speeds by like a vision of our lives the moment before a hydrofoil blade scalps our collective forehead – leaving us blood-soaked and confused…about so many seemingly unrelated things. So we’d figure we’d contextualize and highlight a few of our favorite weekly happenings before the next set comes. Just for fun. Just for you. Welcome to The Inertia Now.


Holy phalanges! Have you been watching the Olympics? Did you watch the U.S. women’s hockey team beat Canada to win its first gold in 20 years? I did! It was awesome. We’ve been watching the Olympics feverishly here at The Inertia HQ, and we’ve been covering it like a puppy wrapped in a warm blanket. The puppy is tired. She drifts in and out of consciousness, licking leftover popcorn salt from the fur on her mouth. She is happy and loved, because she is thoroughly swaddled with our coverage.

In that spirit, our beloved Dion Boflex (Dee-AHN Bo-flay) explored why so many Olympic gold medalists hail from surf towns. (‘Cuz they’re the best, obvi). Ace writer Jayme Moye extolled the virtues of Gus Kenworthy taking a one-way, globally-televised trip to Makeout City and what that voyage meant to her family and gay athletes around the world. Our own Joe Carb Diet weighed in with a polarizing take on Shaun White’s historic victory where conversations around sexual harassment resurfaced to support (or undermine, depending on your vantage) the #MeToo movement, and Jeff Moag explored the possibility of marijuana as a performance-enhancer for athletes. We also got super inspired by Liz Swaney, who showed us how we, too, can game the Olympic system and snag a spot on an Olympic team, no matter our talent level. She essentially bee-lined it down the middle of the halfpipe, and that was awesome, too. I would like to do that. She knows how.

Beyond the inspiration of the Olympics, the surf world has grappled with the ostensible loss of Pipeline from the 2019 WSL Schedule. While Kelly Slater told us via email that he’s not so sure this news is permanent (and I suspect conversations are ongoing and conciliatory), the WSL distributed a press release with CEO Sophie Goldschmidt explicitly stating: “We are disappointed we will not be able to run the 2019 Billabong Pipe Masters.”

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Wowza.

Señor Boflé got the City of Honolulu’s official side of the story. Matt Warshaw, the man behind the Encyclopedia of Surfing, put things into context for us, and Jacob McCafferty, The Inertia Smartass, penned an epic treatise that will, without question, solve all problems in professional surfing. His suggestion is simple: Add the thousandth decimal to the scoring system. It’s a wonder this hasn’t previously been considered. It’s like the paper clip. A genius fix.

Anyhoo, there is even more stuff to know and to see and to discuss with you! We will wrap our warm blanket around it and give it popcorn and allow it to rest peacefully at our side. Us as much enriched by its warm presence as it is by our nourishment. That is our promise. Happy Friday. – Zach


Jeremy Jones Built His Life around Glide, and He’s Determined to Protect It
The man behind Protect Our Winters is the man, indeed. Presented by RAV4


I Demand the WSL Add a Third Decimal Point To Its Scoring in 2018
Respect JJF. Respect surfing. Add the thousandth.


This Woman Totally Gamed the Olympic System
She had the best pizza and French fries in the halfpipe. By a long shot.


The Surf Community Is Rallying Behind This 16-Year-Old Girl in Her Battle with a Brain Tumor
Thanks to our friends at Cobian for supporting Kira. #HelpKiraFight


Skier Gus Kenworthy’s Globally Televised Kiss Gave Hope to Families Like Mine
A v. important trip to Make-Out City!


WSL, You Blew It.
EOS Author Matt Warshaw explains how losing Pipe is losing surfing’s North Star.


Why SoCal Surf Towns Are Producing Olympic Gold Medalist Snowboarders
Surf towns are on the podium, for sure.


I Didn’t Surf for Three Months, and I Got Totally Depressed.
When the cause is the solution, life gets confusing.


How To Wax a Surfboard
You may have noticed that surfboards are quite slippery!


Shane Dorian Believes You Can Get a 3-Minute Breath Hold 
“The course teaches people how to maximize their breath hold and tap into secrets of the most elite waterman in the world”

Here are a few more trending stories on The Inertia right now…because being able to talk to people about interesting current events is soo sick!

1. Three ’90s Snowboard Brands I’m Glad Are Gone
2. Kelly Slater and Neil DeGrasse Tyson Discuss the Science of Perfect Waves
3. Olympic Gold Medalist Red Gerard’s Interview on Jimmy Kimmell Is Classic
4. Bring Ski Ballet Back to the Olympics Right Now

5. How Bad Was The Burn Mo Freitas Endured at Pipe?

Last thing: Today, I stepped in dog poop at the office, but it didn’t matter at all!


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